“Sexball,” he called me
In a text message so it didn’t count for anything. But it still reached me, singularly.
Did he know that just last night I fucked a friend, Ben, with his new pink butt-plug and eventually watched as his cum sail over our shoulders?
We had had a bath with bubbles and jets, drinking white wine and water, Oh Oh Ohhh so decadent this lifestyle! A whole lifestyle in one night; it was so full of accessories. Rock and roll outfits, and then the game of peeling them off to undress and handle the glasses carefully but casually along the tub’s rim. Can’t forget the candles and Keep pressing the button for the jets and Juust the right amount of self-consciousness, but this lifestyle is about pretending like there’s none. I am adorned. Even as I remove my silver hoop earrings, letting my hair get completely saturated (I am performing the mermaid-move from childhood; I had long hair, I took baths). I amass ounces of some sort of silky but invisible sheen, weighing me down just a bit and only in my mind of course. But I am adorned with this choice, this night. I am not who I was.
It was pure decadence because it was as if it were all an accident: this was luck but is it luck if it’s everyday? We could call this lifestyle “The Everyday Lucky.” But there’s also something Manhattan about it. Or certain European cities.
A 57 or-so year-old rock god played his riffs to an arena full of people who paid at least one hundred dollars to be there. My feet hurt and I had to pee twice. Beer was ten dollars. I was there because my friend bought my ticket and told me to be there. Not to say that the soulful classic rock guitar riffs didn’t make my panties tingle. They did, and more than I expected. Even my deepest guts, deep into my hips, were swayed and touched by this incredible arenafull of vibrations. Eddie Van Halen, the sideways conductor of them. Surrounded by strangers, with only one strange friend’s shoulder to hold.
When our ears were still ringing on the escalator Down, Ben suggested the Jacuzzi bath and my feet told my mouth “Say yes to The Everyday Lucky Manhattan Choice!” Say yes and cover your naked aching body in someone else’s thoughts! Make up Brand New Thoughts because you’ll have to when faced with period bleeding, big bodies, glasses to hold and sudden toys to lubricate. Are these fingernails good for scratching backs and pulling scalps or should I trim them? Oh well. Oh! Well…
My feet had a lot to say to my brain, and for the most part I listened and simply followed whatever leaders were leading.
